4.7.05

little person


I remember shortly after Violet was born, I had a conversation with my mother about having more children. I told her I didn't know if I wanted more. I was afraid the next one would be a dud. Since then I've certainly come full circle, as I have a veritable library on international adoption. It still amazes me how backward and archaic people's views on adoption are. Oh, they'll mention how great it is that people adopt, but when it gets down to the nitty-gritty, what they really wonder is why I would want to adopt when I can have "one of my own." My own. She's really not, you know. I've never felt that Violet belongs to me. I have been entrusted with her, and for that I am grateful and terrified. I had a conversation with Conor about not having expectations of your children. My mother-in-law looked horrified when I said it. Its not that I don't expect that she do her best. I just must try not to expect that she do MY best. I always find myself, when I go in to pick her up from a nap, greeting her with a "hi, little person." Little person. Her own little person, with her own vast possibility stretching out in front of her. And so it continues millions of times, for millions of children, with infinite possibility. How elitist that we should think our biology should make our children somehow superior. If your child had been left on your doorstep, would you love them any differently? Violet has a book about "Miss Spider", who hatched only to discover that she couldn't find her mother. She searched high and low, and was bullied by bigger bugs along the way. Finally a beetle took Miss Spider in telling her, "For finding your mother, there's one certain test. You must look for the creature who loves you the best."

2 rubber neckers:

Momma said...

It's so interesting for a Mom to read her own child's musings about Motherhood. You're a savvy woman, sophiesue. Violet is blessed to have a Mommy like you. I have heard comments on adoption similar to those you write about. I think becoming a parent softens many people's views on adoption. It changes us all.

sweetviolet said...

it seems to have softened me into a giant pile of ooze. what happened to your "prickly pear?"

 

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