14.7.05

a letter to conor at basic training

I don’t remember when it happened. Little by little I guess. One day I realized that somewhere along the line I lost my faith in the good. It really wasn’t as dramatic as it might seem. There was no cynical declaration of my intention to live out my days with my cats. It was more like a quiet resignation to what I envisioned as my destiny. A life, consumed by career, when on my death bed I would not regret the time with family lost, only the cases I couldn’t solve. My restoration arrived in flip-flops for my 24th birthday. Up to that point, love to me had been defined by how miserable we could make each other. Who knows how those things get tied up in one’s formative years, but I didn’t quite know how to take this new unassuming love that had crept up on me. One day I slipped my arms around his waist, and not so many days later, I could see my future stretched out in front of me. It barely resembled the one I had previously envisioned. Suddenly my future seemed to be pastels and sunshine, like a world perpetually stuck on Easter. I put up a half-hearted protest to this new found definition of love. Where were the tears, where were the screaming fights, where was the crying in my car listening to an angst ridden indie song? Somehow, this cherubic boy had single handedly redefined everything I thought I knew about how love worked. And he did it without my noticing. It’s funny what you don’t notice. I didn’t notice that I hadn’t had my feelings hurt by careless remarks, that I didn’t need to attempt to assert my intelligence in order to be taken seriously, that I felt beautiful in a comfortable safe way. I know I must have done something before I met him. I also know that it may not be very progressive of me to say, but the best part of my life has begun now that I know him. In one short magnificent year, this man has made me a wife, a mother, and most amazingly, myself. No prickles and sarcasm. Just me. Conor, in such a short time I’ve watched you grow into such a remarkable man; a man who I’ve come to love, admire, and respect. I often feel so overwhelmed with love for you, that it seems impossible to squeeze one more ounce of love into my soul, yet I manage to love you more every day. Now that we are entering a new chapter in our lives, I know that I will only love you more as the father of our child. And you will be as remarkable a father as you are a husband. Happy Father’s Day
Your wife,
Sarah

10 rubber neckers:

fat little pug said...

This letter needs no comments, or trashy remarks. Let me just say that you reminded me to tell Justin that I love him. I love you guys too.

gone said...

Good boy, Conor. Sarah deserves you, and you her. I have no sarcastic wit to interject here. I am filled with joy for you two and your blissful relationship. I always knew you'd find it, Sarah.

sweetviolet said...

thank you.

sweetviolet said...

fatpug - you can tell him i love him too...he's one of the good ones.

WunEyedDog said...

That made me cry at basic, and it just made me cry again...at work. I need to be nicer.

gone said...

Sarah your an amazing woman and I'm so glad to hear what an amazing man you have in your life. God Blessed both of you and He will only give more to your beautiful baby.
I also realized that I forgot about father's day...or didn't I? I need to ask Jacob. I suck.

sweetviolet said...

well you did, it was June 19th, but join the club, Conor reminded me in bed at 11 o'clock that it was Fathers Day. I cried, and then got up and made him a card.

gone said...

Jacob reminded me that we had some of my family over on father's day and grilled out. Glad to know I burned one too many brain cells back in the day.

sweetviolet said...

maybe it's just baby fog...i have baby fog.

gone said...

fog is an understatement.

 

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