On consistency

DISCLAIMER: I write these things to myself. I am not scolding strangers on the internet who happen by my blog. Thank you. Read on.


Be consistent is the mantra they chant at you. What if you're a sucky parent? Don't wanna be consistent at that, do you? I suppose it is blind consistency I'm opposed to. Everyday with the small people is a learning experience. Life just doesn't work by a timetable and rigid rulebook. If I make an off-the-cuff "no" answer to Violet, and she responds with a thoughtful explanation (or occasional screaming fit - depending on the day) of her intent, I reserve the right to change my mind. As a "for instance" from this summer:

Mama: Violet it's time to go get in bed
Violet: Go outside!
Mama: We can't go outside now, it's time for bed and you're all clean and shiny.
Violet: Say goodnight to Mr. Turtle (who lived outside at the time)
Mama: Oooooh. Ok, let's say goodnight to Mr. Turtle

There are those who immediately think that changing my mind (the original woman's prerogative) will eventually result in Violet blocking me from her brain and running headlong into the street (along with the old "you've gotta spank 'em so they learn" argument so often accompanying the "running in the street" scenario)

And again, if I respond "No" to something thoughtlessly, that I'm willing to give in on, I shouldn't have been saying no to begin with. So I learn not to throw nos around like I'm throwing rice at a wedding. I by no means am suggesting that one day you let them redecorate your house with poster paint, and the next smack the crayon out of their hand when they step away from the paper. I'm just suggesting this: Throw out the training manuals. Those are for dogs and beauty queens. Act like they're people. Who have an opinion, who are learning to argue their case to the world. Cause they are.

A foolish consistency is the hobgoblin of little minds ~ Emerson

I see Conor everytime I look at Heath Ledger's face. I always have. The resemblence is uncanny, and I'm incredibly unnerved.

I'm grasping for entertainment, here.

Four jobs I have had in my life:
Starbucks Barista
Starbucks Shift Supervisor
Starbucks Assistant Manager
Starbucks Store Manager

(I started working there when I was 18, what do you want from me?)

Four Movies I would watch over and over:
Much Ado About Nothing
It's A Wonderful Life
Kung Fu Hustle
Newsies (yes, yes I did)


Four Places I have lived:
Illinois
Mississippi
South Carolina
Michigan

Four TV Shows that I like to watch:
Big Love
Scrubs
The Shield
Weeds

Four Places I have been:
India
Russia
Uzbekistan (I was in the airport, I know that doesn't count but come ON. It's Uzbekistan)
The Fireswamp fighting ROUSes


Four People who e-mail me (regularly):
Naperville Freecycle
Craigslist folks I'm gettin' stuff from or sellin' stuff too
Momma
Brother Nathan


Favorite things to eat:
Baked brie and french bread
Gnocci Pomodoro
Orange juice. Yes, I eat orange juice.
Lindt chocolate balls. Thanks a lot Kaitlin!


Four places I would rather be right now:
Asleep with a little downy blonde blueberry shampoo smellin' baby head under my nose.
In a better financial position.
In a clean house.
With a friend. I have the lonelies. boo hoo.

Things I am looking forward to this year:
Creating the life I want.
Being crafty.
Paying off debt.
One year closer to Conor being done with school.

Can I just say that I think it's flippin' great that Keely Shaye Smith (Pierce Brosnan's wife) wore a bikini for her ocean romp? Remember her from Unsolved Mysteries? Love her.

conor, you lucky, lucky man

1. I am wearing: A green maternity t-shirt. Brown goucho capri pants. Sweater socks with poodles on them (inside out), and orange crocs. I will say, in my own defense, that I got dressed rather quickly, as I was covered in vomit. (See previous post). No pictures for you. I'm not that secure.

Bad Smells and Premonitions

Today I smelled vomit. Off and on all day. I was sniffing my hair, my coat, my shirt; trying to figure out where the smell was coming from. Fast forward >>>>> Violet woke up in a foul mood. She's taken a nap the last two days which is very unusual. She was telling us her foot hurt, her leg hurt, her head hurt, her belly hurt. I sat with her on the couch and said to Conor,"Maybe she just doesn't feel good." BLLLAAAHHHHH.... all over me. So here's the clincher: It always happens. Everytime my kids get sick, I smell vomit all day. BEFORE they're ill at all. You would think that I would eventually just say "hey, someone's getting sick tonight...." But it makes me feel a little craaazy. I mean, it is a little odd, right? Violet sent herself to bed at 6. Poor wee flower.

Pretty darn accurate

Author unknown:

HOW TO PREPARE FOR BECOMING A PARENT
Lesson 1
Go to the grocery store.Arrange to have your salary paid directly to their head office.Go home.Pick up the paper.Read it for the last time.

Lesson 2
Before you finally go ahead and have children, find a couple who alreadyare parents and berate them about their:Methods of discipline.Lack of patience.Appallingly low tolerance levels.Allowing their children to run wild.Suggest ways in which they might improve their child's breastfeeding,sleep habits, toilet training, table manners, and overall behavior.Enjoy it, because it will be the last time in your life you will haveall the answers.

Lesson 3
To discover how the nights will feel...Walk around the living room from 5PM to 10PM carrying a wet bag weighingapproximately 8-12 pounds, with a radio turned to static (or some otherobnoxious sound) playing loudly.At 10PM, put the bag down, set the alarm for midnight, and go to sleep.Get up at 12 and walk around the living room again, with the bag, until1AM.Set the alarm for 3AM.As you can't get back to sleep, get up at 2AM and make a drink.Go to bed at 2:45AM.Get up at 3AM when the alarm goes off.Sing songs in the dark until 4AM.Get up. Make breakfast. Keep this up for 5 years.Look cheerful.

Lesson 4
Can you stand the mess children make? To find out...Smear peanut butter onto the sofa and jam onto the curtains.Hide a piece of raw chicken behind the stereo and leave it there allsummer.Stick your fingers in the flower bed.Then rub them on the clean walls.Cover the stains with crayons. How does that look?

Lesson 5
Dressing small children is not as easy as it seems.Buy an octopus and a small bag made out of loose mesh.Attempt to put the octopus into the bag so that none of the arms hangout.Time allowed for this - all morning.

Lesson 6
Take an egg carton. Using a pair of scissors and a jar of paint, turn itinto an alligator.Now take the tube from a roll of toilet paper. Using only Scotch tapeand a piece of aluminum foil, turn it into an attractive Christmascandle.Last, take a milk carton, a ping-pong ball, and an empty packet of CocoaPuffs.Make an exact replica of the Eiffel Tower.

Lesson 7
Forget the BMW and buy a mini-van. And don't think that you can leave itout in the driveway spotless and shining. Family cars don't look likethat.Buy a chocolate ice cream cone and put it in the glove compartment.Leave it there.Get a dime. Stick it in the cassette player.Take a family size package of chocolate cookies. Mash them into the backseat.Run a garden rake along both sides of the car.There. Perfect.

Lesson 8
Get ready to go out.Wait outside the bathroom for half an hour.Go out the front door.Come in again. Go out.Come back in.Go out again.Walk down the front path.Walk back up it.Walk down it again.Walk very slowly down the road for five minutes.Stop, inspect minutely, and ask at least 6 questions about everycigarette butt, piece of used chewing gum, dirty tissue, and dead insectalong the way.Retrace your steps.Scream that you have had as much as you can stand until the neighborscome out and stare at you.Give up and go back into the house.You are now just about ready to try taking a small child for a walk.

Lesson 9
Repeat everything at least (if not more than) five times.

Lesson 10
Go to the local grocery store. Take with you the closest thing you canfind to a pre-school child. (A full- grown goat is excellent).If you intend to have more than one child, take more than one goat.Buy your week's groceries without letting the goats out of your sight.Pay for everything the goat eats or destroys.Until you can easily accomplish this, do not even contemplate havingchildren.

Lesson 11
Hollow out a melon.Make a small hole in the side.Suspend it from the ceiling and swing it from side to side.Now get a bowl of soggy Cheerios and attempt to spoon them into theswaying melon by pretending to be an airplane.Continue until half the Cheerios are gone.Tip half into your lap. The other half, just throw up in the air.You are now ready to feed a nine- month old baby.

Lesson 12
Learn the names of every character from Sesame Street, Barney, Disney,the Teletubbies, and Pokemon. Watch nothing else on TV for at least fiveyears.

Lesson 13
Move to the tropics. Find or make a compost pile. Dig down about halfwayand stick your nose in it. Do this 3-5 times a day for at least two years.

Lesson 14
Make a recording of Fran Drescher saying "mommy" repeatedly. (Important:no more than a four second delay between each "mommy"; occasional crescendoto the level of a supersonic jet is required). Play this tape in your car everywhere you go for the next four years.You are now ready to take a long trip with a toddler.

Lesson 15
Start talking to an adult of your choice. Have someone else continuallytug on your skirt hem, shirt- sleeve, or elbow while playing the "mommy"tape made from Lesson 14 above. You are now ready to have a conversation withan adult while there is a child in the room.

Pardon me while I mess with my html. I'm fiddlin'.

eta- don't mind my mish mash of goodies either. i'm teaching myself stuff...

Today I sold a corset, plaid skirt, and fencenet stockings on craigslist, (Yeah, yeah, yeah....) to a 50 year old businessman. I'm pretty sure they were for him. He wanted to make sure the fencenets would be ok height-wise.