The many ways I drive myself nuts

Violet never had bottles. By never, I mean not since she was 8 weeks old or so. I've decided to use bottles occasionally with the next baby, although I still intend to be a shameless public nurser. So begins my research. Because I can't tie my shoes without researching the best way to tie shoes. (That statement really made me want to look up shoe tying.) My instinct says glass bottles. So I read. It seems that polycarbonate bottles have this nasty habit of leaching chemicals into breastmilk. (90% of bottles on the market are polycarbonate.) Studies and experts have differing conclusions as to the danger of this. So glass it is, right? Well it also seems that the leukocytes (immune factors) in breastmilk tend to "stick" to the inside of glass bottles, thus passing fewer of them on to the baby. DAMMIT. It also seems that medela and evenflo both make a plastic bottle out of a "safer" type of plastic. So there's another option. Just to top it of....I learned something about boobies when I started nursing. Did you know they're nothing like a bottle nipple? They're more like a shower head. Interesting huh? So there's a nipple made by "Second Nature" that mimics this, allowing the baby to control the flow, just like the breast. I'm thrilled by this find. Unfortunately, the only glass bottles I can find in this country have narrow necks. Of course the Second Nature nipples are for wide neck bottles. Once again, DAMMIT.

screw the toddler spoons

The birth plan - draft #1

Regarding Labor and Birth - Sarah Kathryn Jensen
Due Date: 6/27/06
Patient of __________________
Scheduled to deliver at Manning.

6/1/06

To All involved in my labor and delivery:
Thank you for taking the time to read my birth plan. Most important to myself and my husband is that at NO TIME shall we be separated from the baby. I would like to be kept abreast of any changes, and given opportunity to discuss any deviations from this birth plan with my physician and my husband.
Sincerely,

Sarah Jensen

Labor
I would like to be free to walk around during labor.
I wish to be able to move around and change position at will throughout labor.

Monitoring
I do not wish to have continuous fetal monitoring unless it is required by the condition of my baby.
I do not want an internal monitor unless my baby has shown some sign of distress.

Labor Augmentation/Induction
I do not wish to have the amniotic membrane ruptured artificially unless signs of fetal distress require internal monitoring.
I would prefer to be allowed to try changing position and other natural methods(walking, nipple stimulation) before pitocin is administered.

Anesthesia/Pain Medication
I realize that many pain medications exist — I'll ask for them if I need them.

Cesarean
Unless absolutely necessary, I would like to avoid a Cesarean.
If my primary care provider determines that a Cesarean delivery is indicated, I would like to obtain a second opinion from another physician if time allows.
If a Cesarean delivery is indicated, I would like to be fully informed and to participate in the decision-making process.
I would like Conor Jensen (husband) present at all times if my baby requires a Cesarean delivery.
So I can view the birth, I would like the screen lowered just before delivery of my baby.
If my baby is not in distress, my baby should be given to (blank) immediately after birth.

Episiotomy
I would prefer not to have an episiotomy unless absolutely required for the baby's safety.
I am hoping to protect the perineum. I am practicing ahead of time by squatting,doing Kegel exercises, and perineal massage.
I would appreciate guidance in when to push and when to stop pushing so the perineum can stretch.

Delivery
I would like to be allowed to choose the position in which I give birth, including squatting.
I would like Conor Jensen (husband) and/or nurses to support me and my legs as necessary during the pushing stage.
I would like a mirror available so I can see my baby's head when it crowns.
I would like to have my baby placed on my stomach/chest immediately after delivery.
Immediately After Delivery
I would prefer that the umbilical cord stop pulsating before it is cut.
I would like to hold my baby while I deliver the placenta and any tissue repairs are made.
I would like to hold my baby for at least fifteen minutes before (he/she) is photographed, examined, etc.
I would like to have my baby evaluated and bathed in my presence.
I plan to keep my baby near me following birth and would appreciate if the evaluation of my baby can be done with my baby on my abdomen, with both of us covered by a warm blanket, unless there is an unusual situation.
If my baby must be taken from me to receive medical treatment, Conor Jensen(husband) or some other person I designate will accompany my baby at all times. I would prefer to hold my baby rather than have (him/her) placed under heat lamps.
I do not want a routine injection of pitocin after the delivery to aid in expelling the placenta.
I would like to see the placenta after it is delivered.
I will be refusing administration of antibiotic eye ointment.
I will be refusing the PKU screening.
I will be refusing administration of the vitamin k shot. If vitamin k is available to be administered orally, we will wait until after the baby has nursed.
I will be refusing any and all vaccinations, including Heb B.
I will be willing to sign any waivers neccessary.

Postpartum
Unless required for health reasons, I do not wish to be separated from my baby.
I would like to have my baby 'room in' and be with me at all times.

Breastfeeding
I plan to breastfeed my baby and would like to begin nursing very shortly after birth.
Unless medically necessary, I do not wish to have any bottles given to my baby (including glucose water or plain water).
I do not want my baby to be given a pacifier.

Circumcision
I do not want my baby circumcised.

Photo/Video
I would like to take still photographs during labor and the birth.
I would like to make a videorecording of labor and/or the birth.

Other
My support person is Conor Jensen (husband) and I would like him to be present during labor and delivery.
I would like my other child to be able to visit me and my baby in the hospital.
I would prefer that no students, interns, residents or non-essential personnel be present during my labor or the birth.

conversation with conor midst diaper change

Conor: So what are we gonna call it?
Sarah: Call what? The baby?
Conor: No. The Pooney. (what my mother calls it)
Sarah: Oh. We're gonna call it what it is.
Conor: What is it?
Sarah: Which part? The outside part?
Conor: Yeah.
Sarah: Its the vulva.
Conor: The vulva.
Violet: Vavavavava

underdog vegetables

we had parsnips. have you ever had a parsnip? i hadn't either. it essentially smelled, looked, and tasted like an overgrown anemic carrot. preparation: boiled then sauteed. a little garlic, salt, and paprika. we've decided to have an underappreciated veggie once per week. i'll keep you posted on this exciting development.

copycat

Ten Top Trivia Tips about Sweet violet!

1. Sweet violet was invented in China in the eleventh century, but was only used for fireworks, never for weapons. (you always get fireworks with sv)
2. Astronauts get taller when they are in sweet violet. (...too dirty.)
3. Bees visit over three million flowers to make a single kilogram of sweet violet!
4. In the Great Seal of the United States the eagle grasps 13 arrows and sweet violet. (eek! lemme go!)
5. If the Sun were the size of a beach ball then Jupiter would be the size of a golf ball and sweet violet would be as small as a pea. (perhaps then changing the size of the sun is my solution to weight loss.)
6. Sweet violet is physically incapable of sticking her tongue out. (i have pictures that prove otherwise.)
7. Red sweet violet at night, shepherd's delight. Red sweet violet at morning, shepherd's warning! (alright i'll take a sailor, but shepherds are smelly.)
8. The liquid inside sweet violet can be used as a substitute for blood plasma. (which liquid? my blood plasma?)
9. It's bad luck to put sweet violet on a bed. (damn.)
10. Sweet violet is the only king without a moustache on the standard pack of cards. (i wax.)

I am interested in - do tell me aboutherhimitthem

Ten Top Trivia Tips about Conor!

1. The horns of conor are made entirely from hair. (wow! just like my halo.)
2. Human beings are the only animals that copulate while facing conor. (i certainly hope so.)
3. Finding conor on Christmas morning is believed to bring good luck. (unfortunately he won't fit in my stocking.)
4. It's bad luck to put conor on a bed. (...it seems to be working out that way)
5. Research indicates that conor will be attracted to people who have recently eaten bananas! (i don't like bananas.)
6. Conor was first grown in America by the grandmother Maria Ann Smith, from whom his name comes! (its good to know that conors grow on trees. maybe i'll go pick me a fresh one.)
7. Without conor, we would have to pollinate apple trees by hand! (why so many fruit facts?)
8. Conor can be very poisonous if injected intravenously! (that's why i smoke him.)
9. Conor was first discovered by Alexander the Great in India, and introduced to Europe on his return. (funny. he never told me that story.)
10. If you cut conor in half and count the number of seeds inside, you will know how many children you are going to have. (well that's VERY convenient!)

I am interested in - do tell me aboutherhimitthem

taken from the divine miss U

10%

i got an email today informing me that 90% of toddlers are walking by this age. (15 months). i think i'll start smacking the baby when she crawls. that oughta do it.

gag

i don't know if this is a common condition in pregnant women, but it seems to be the trend for me. when expecting, i have a wildly overactive gag reflex. (don't be dirty, people.) since i like to make things difficult, i don't take the prescription prenatals with the synthetic vitamins and red dye #6 (dosage 1), i take a whole food prenatal (dosage 6). i have to put them on the counter and take them periodically throughout the day, or i'll make myself crazy with the gagging. this isn't even counting the other vitamins i take. just to top things off, i have a toddler now. who puts everything her little hand comes across in her mouth. i have to fish things out of her little toothy trap, or i'll continue to gag from the idea that she has something in her mouth. (its hard to watch her eat too.) i feel completely loony. i don't have a weak stomach at all. pretty much nothing grosses me out. i have no problem with body fluids or slasher films. i worked at a wildlife shelter where i was elbow deep in tubes of BOP (birds of prey diet...lots of tendons), transfered hundreds of rats from cage to cage, and cut mice in half with scissors. nothing phased me. but this gagging thing is doing me in. i can get the pill in my mouth, and then it is trapped by the knowledge the gag is to follow. i try to just throw it in and swallow. but my body won't allow it. so the vitamin starts to disolve and stick to my tongue, making it all the more difficult. i don't even have morning sickness. just the gagging. the gagging is starting to control my life.

yeah, you.

it is apparantly delurking week. so delurk already.

Ensure you're eating crap

when you're expecting, you get TONS of free promotional crap. i think you get extra in the military, since you must attend 14 briefings on insurance and not shaking your baby and such. one little tidbit i got in a goodie bag was a product called "Healthy Mom" (Nutrition for pregnant and nursing moms) by Ensure. below i would like to share the ingredient list of this powerhouse of nutritional goodness:


Ingredients:
(Fudge Graham): Crisp rice (rice flour, rice bran, sugar, malt extract, calcium carbonate), cocoa soy nuggets (soy protein isolate, rice starch, natural and artificial flavor), honey graham meal (enriched wheat flour [wheat flour, niacin, reduced iron, thiamine mononitrate, riboflavin, folic acid], high fructose corn syrup, graham flour, vegetable shortening [partially hydrogenated soybean and/or cottonseed oils], sodium bicarbonate, salt, honey), corn syrup, marshmallow creme (corn syrup, sugar, water, egg whites, natural and artificial flavor, cream of tartar, xanthan gum, blue #1), sucrose, corn syrup solids, chocolate chips (sugar, chocolate liquor, cocoa butter, soy lecithin, artificial flavor, salt, vanilla), fructose, fructooligosaccharides, water, canola oil, glycerine, high fructose corn syrup, natural and artificial flavors, xanthan gum, salt, soy lecithin.

the flower and the bee on the farm

night night

since you know we don't do the "cry-it-out" thing,

i thought i'd share our little secret...

.

me. me.

tagged by purgatory lory


What were you doing ten years ago?

I was 16. Which means I was in the cult. So I was listening to hymns, wearing skirts, not dating, and being brainwashed. Ok the brainwashing didn't actually go so well, since they kicked me out.

What were you doing one year ago?

I was in Biloxi with a 2 1/2 month old. I was making dinner for my hubby, baby in sling. Loving my new life. I was also constantly in a state of boobie exposure.

Five snacks you enjoy

1. dried fruit
2. popcorn (stovetop)
3. cereal
4. nuts
5. soft pretzels

Five songs to which you know all the lyrics

1. hush, little baby
2. blackbird
3. stinky mcgee (a self-composed ode to violet)
4. river (joni mitchell)
5. the wheels on the FREAKIN' BUS.

Five things you would do if you were a millionaire.

1. buy momma a house
2. buy land and build our farm
3. adopt
4. remember the little people
5. have guest quarters

Five bad habits.

1. i'm all or nothing
2. read things i know will piss me off
3. white flour
4. anti-social behavior
5. obsession on certain topics

Five things you like doing

1. making violet laugh
2. making something with my hands
3. giving my family food to make them healthy
4. going home
5. being odd

Five things you would never wear or buy again.

1. crappy dollar store stuff that falls apart before you get $1 worth of use out of it.
2. ginger ice cream...ew.
3. high heeled flip flops
4. soy protein isolate based food
5. cheapo diapers (buy...not wear...well both i guess)

Five favorite toys.

1. legos
2. honda odyssey
3. toshiba satellite
4. sewing machine
5. those head rubbing claw things

feel free to participate my little bloggy friends.

fyi- the blogger suggested replacement for "freakin" is "foreskin".

in utero

you know how people show you ultrasound pictures?

and you really don't care, cause you can't see anything anyway?

well here's mine.

bennifer would have been a FINE choice.

DAMN THEM. i swear to god. i'm naming the next baby cletus.

i'm tired

besides the fact that baby violet was having monumental meltdowns all day yesterday, she also managed to accomplish the following:

1. found a screw on the ground, and hid it deftly in the dog food. we haven't managed to figure out if she loves the dog, or is secretly plotting to kill him. (see picture)
2. managed to get ahold of a hershey's kiss. on a white rug.
3. knocked a tub of raw sugar off a shelf. the dog licked that up.
4. while i was putting away the raw sugar, knocked off a tin of oatmeal. a tiny $6 tin of steel cut oatmeal. most was lost to the floor.
5. dumped a bowl of cereal on me.
6. just as i put a spoonful of yogurt in her mouth, sneezed.
7. not to mention the several incidents of toilet splashing.

like i said. i'm tired. i was not in spirits to get pictures of any of these incidents.